


Little White Lies

by nielwooon (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, Hospital, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25661254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/nielwooon
Summary: Tsukishima always told little white lies to Yamaguchi. He didn’t want him to know the evils of the world, he wanted to protect his shorter counterpart. Ever since he stumbled upon him being bullied when they were younger, Tsukishima had become his number one protector even if Yamaguchi didn’t notice. It made Tsukishima happy to see his friend happy.Yamaguchi would never have to suffer from pain again. Tsukishima made that a goal of his.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 71





	1. Don't Go

Tsukishima always told little white lies to Yamaguchi. He didn’t want him to know the evils of the world, he wanted to protect his shorter counterpart. Ever since he stumbled upon him being bullied when they were younger, Tsukishima had become his number one protector even if Yamaguchi didn’t notice. It made Tsukishima happy to see his friend happy.

Yamaguchi would never have to suffer from pain again. Tsukishima made that a goal of his.

Even when Yamaguchi hurt Tsukishima’s feelings he wouldn’t let him know.

_‘Are you mad at me, Tsukki?’_

_‘No, I’m not mad. Just thinking.’_

He was mad that day though. Yamaguchi paid him little to no attention and he was sulking. But he didn’t want to hurt Yamaguchi’s feelings. Everything he did was to make sure Yamaguchi lived comfortably.

Even when Yamaguchi broke something important of Tsukishima’s he wouldn’t let him know.

_The sound of Tsukishima’s limited edition dinosaur figurine hitting the ground was jarring, to say the least._

_‘Oh my god!’ Yamaguchi yells, ‘I’m sorry, Tsukki! I’ll pay for it again! I’m so so sorry!’_

_Tsukishima looked at the shattered dinosaur with a pained expression. But Yamaguchi’s regretful expression made him snap out of it._

_‘It was only five dollars at the flea market. Don’t worry about it.’_

Even when Yamaguchi was worrying Tsukishima he wouldn’t let him know.

_It was the third time that night that the two had to stop playing volleyball so Yamaguchi could catch his breath. It wasn’t normal for him to have to stop that often._

_‘I feel like I’m going to pass out.’ Yamaguchi sucks down water as Tsukishima looks at him. This wasn’t normal at all._

_‘What is wrong?’ Tsukishima decided to stay blunt. He didn’t want Yamaguchi to get worked up._

_‘My lungs feel like they are on fire.’ Yamaguchi sits down, his face paling and sweat making his hair stick to his forehead._

_Tsukishima sits next to him and grabs his hand, ‘Go to the doctor soon. This isn’t okay.’_

_Yamaguchi rubs his thumb on the back of Tsukishima’s hand, ‘I will, this weekend I’ll go.’_

He should have gone sooner. Maybe everything would have worked out a bit better.

“You know how I’ve been having chest pain and shortness of breath recently,” Yamaguchi says while they are walking to their houses after practice.

Tsukishima looks at Yamaguchi who was evading eye contact completely, “Yeah? What did the doctor say about it?”

Yamaguchi stops suddenly making Tsukishima halt his movement. Yamaguchi fiddles with his fingers, “I have Pulmonary Venoocclusive Disease.”

It felt like the world around Tsukishima had stopped. He tried so hard to protect Yamaguchi. He thought his little white lies he fed him would make him healthy and happy forever. He just wanted Yamaguchi to be by his side forever, with nothing stopping him from achieving his dreams. Yamaguchi deserved the moon and the stars but instead, he got this.

“What does that even mean?” Tsukishima couldn’t turn around to look at Yamaguchi knowing that the moment he did he would break down in tears. He could already feel the burn happening up his throat and the water line his eyes. It felt like some barbed wire was constricting around his throat and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“It’s a rare lung disease,” He hears Yamaguchi’s feet shuffle around. He did that when he was nervous, “Symptoms are shortness of breath… fatigue… fainting… you know all of the normal lung stuff—“

Tsukishima cuts him off, “Is it fatal?”

The question was blunt but he needed to know. He wanted to know how long he had with the only person he truly cared for. He needed to know if he was going to be alright. 

“Yes.”

Tsukishima felt his brain swimming in that exact moment. All he could think about was how he wouldn’t be with his friend forever. His chest began to rise and fall as he mulled over the simple three-lettered word. He wishes he didn’t know Japanese so he wouldn’t understand what Yamaguchi had said right then.

“How long?”

Yamaguchi sighs, “Not long at all,” His words were choppy. His breath shook with every word, “They said at most 2 years. But most likely 3 months, the doctor said we waited too long to get a diagnosis—”

Tsukishima fell to his knees. In the middle of the street, in front of his friend who had never been spared his emotions, he fell to his knees in despair. He felt Yamaguchi rush to his side and hold on to his shaking figure. 

_How pathetic_. He thought as the tears fell out of his eyes.

His friend was the one who was suffering and he had the nerve to fall to his knees crying in front of him? This wasn’t fair to Yamaguchi. 

Tsukishima held on to Yamaguchi’s school uniform jacket like it was his lifeline. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to face the day where he could smell the faint hint of mint when Yamaguchi walked by. To think there was going to be a day when he didn’t hear _‘Sorry, Tsukki~’_ or hear Yamaguchi’s soft laughter, It didn’t seem like a life worth living.

“Jesus, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi giggled through his tears, “You must be sad if _you’re_ crying.” 

“I’m not crying!” He wipes the tears off of his face, “It’s fine. Everything is going to be fine - you’re going to be fine. You are going to live a long life full of me!” 

Yamaguchi buried his head in Tsukishima’s neck, “Ah… that would sure be nice.”

Tsukishima couldn’t help but feed his friend white lies especially when it made him feel better.

Life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way for them. 

But it had.

Yamaguchi’s condition had worsened significantly in the upcoming weeks. He had to quit the volleyball team, everyone was shocked and cried when he explained why. He still went to their practices to cheer them on though. He sat with Kiyoko and Yachi, laughing about things Tsukishima couldn’t hear.

Tsukishima knew it was getting even worse when one day Yamaguchi suddenly pulled out of school and he had no explanation why. The teacher explained he had to go on a leave of absence but would be back soon when he got stronger.

Tsukishima’s heartstrings tugged at those words, knowing he wouldn’t get better.

**From: YAMS**

**To: Tsukishima**

**[4:23 PM]**

_— I miss you. Come to the hospital tomorrow?_

**From: Tsukishima**

**To: YAMS**

**[4:24 PM]**

_— I’ll be there at 4_

The pain Tsukishima felt walking into the hospital room was like nothing he has ever felt. It smelled so crisp and so clean. The bleach burned his nose. He hated having to walk to the room and seeing Yamaguchi’s name on a plaque. Yamaguchi deserved to live a full and fulfilling life, not whatever this was. He slides open the hospital door.

Yamaguchi was perched up on the bed, phone tightly in his hand, with cords going in and out of his nose and hand. It looked uncomfortable but when he saw Tsukishima walk in with fresh flowers a grin that went ear to ear spread across his face. It filled Tsukishima’s heart with happiness knowing that he could make Yamaguchi smile even in the most trying times.

“Tsukki!” He perked up a bit before grimacing. Tsukishima shook his head with a calm smile.

“You don’t have to overexert yourself,” He places the flowers next to Yamaguchi after he gives him a small hug, “I missed you, Yams.”

Yamaguchi plays with his fingers, “I was in a lot of pain there for a while. I didn’t want you to see me like that.” Tsukishima grabs his hand in an act of comfort. 

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I understand.“

Yamaguchi nods, “How is the volleyball club doing? I miss the feeling of running around.” He laughs but his face turns slightly bitter when he realizes he would never be able to play volleyball again.

Tsukishima pulls a picture out of his pocket, “We took this picture together so you know we are always thinking about you. Nishinoya even made a cardboard cut out of you so you were in the picture.” He points at the poorly made cardboard cutout.

Yamaguchi’s laugh was hearty and it made Tsukishima break out into a small smile. Seeing Yamaguchi happy was all he wanted in his life.

He finally slows down laughing, “Oh, my god! This is perfect! Have I missed anything else?”

Tsukishima claps his hands together, “Tanaka and Kiyoko finally got together—“

Tsukishima gets cut off by Yamaguchi going into a coughing fit. His face was turning red with the force of his coughs. Tsukishima stood up and grabbed his water, handing it to him hoping it would help. Yamaguchi grabbed the water bottle and drank out of it.

The coughing fit lasted a couple more seconds. Tsukishima stood next to his friend with tears lining his eyes. He never wanted to see Yamaguchi like this.

“It’s bad, Tsukishima,” Yamaguchi cries out when he finishes choking. The tears fall out of his eyes, “I don’t want to die. I’m so young… I want to experience things with you. My whole life I just wanted to be with you. But now… I feel like I’m being punished for something.” The sound of Yamaguchi crying made Tsukishima’s heart shatter. Everything about this was too much for him to handle. He would do anything to trade places with Yamaguchi right now.

Nurses flood into the room, pushing Tsukishima out of the way and tending to Yamaguchi.

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Tsukishima asks a nurse that was standing closest to him.

The nurse looks at Tsukishima with regretful eyes, “When he gets worked up, his blood pressure goes through the roof. It’s not good for his condition,” She pauses trying to find the right words, “It would be best if you left. He’s never been this stressed before.”

Tsukishima nodded. He understood what she said even though it hurt worse than anything. He just wanted to hold Yamaguchi and tell him everything was okay. He looked at his friend who was doubled over with a pained expression, hands grasping at his chest.

Tsukishima turns to leave when he hears a soft, “Don’t go, Tsukki. Please… stay.”

He turns around to see Yamaguchi reaching out to him, tears falling out of his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” He turns back around before he can change his mind. Yamaguchi lets out an angsty whine that turns into sobs as Tsukishima leaves the hospital room.

It was the worst sound Tsukishima had ever heard.


	2. Ordinary Day

Yamaguchi was sort of a lifeline to Tsukishima. He came into his life right when it seemed everything was going completely wrong and forced Tsukishima to be surrounded by his positivity. He filled Tsukishima’s life with laughter. Yamaguchi forced Tsukishima to get out of his depressive state and he thanked Yamaguchi every day for that.

Without realizing it, Tsukishima fell headfirst in love with Yamaguchi. It was a realization that came to him late one night while he was watching a documentary with Yamaguchi. He didn’t know if the other felt the same. It didn’t even really matter if he felt the same, he just wanted Yamaguchi to be happy with all of the events in his life. Tsukishima just wanted to be with Yamaguchi through all of the good and rough times. Through the highs and the lows of his life. He just wanted to be by Yamaguchi’s side.

That was why it was killing him he wasn’t allowed to see Yamaguchi in the hospital.

Tsukishima was texted by Yamaguchi’s mom telling him it would be best if he didn’t see Yamaguchi in the hospital anymore. His condition had gotten 20x worse when he visited him in the hospital. The stress Yamaguchi felt seeing Tsukishima made his lungs fall into the final stage that they could be in. She concluded her long paragraph banishing from letting her son see his only friend with a, _‘If it gets any worse, I’ll call you.’_

It killed Tsukishima. Every day he wondered if everything was going to be okay. 

He just wanted to see Yamaguchi one last time, even if Yamaguchi didn’t know he was there. He wanted to see his black hair and freckles. He wanted to hear his laugh and see his smile. 

Tsukishima was beginning to forget what Yamaguchi even sounded like, what they even talked about when they hung out. He looked at videos and pictures but it wasn’t the same at all. He saw only snippets into their day. It was getting harder with each fleeting hour to remember the stuff he did with Yamaguchi. 

It scared him.

But with each passing day, Tsukishima was falling into a new routine. A routine that didn’t revolve around Yamaguchi and making sure he was the happiest he could be. He would check his phone for missed calls, get ready for school, check his phone when he got to school, sit in class, check his phone for missed calls again, go home, and sit for any calls. As sad as it is, it was becoming his new ordinary.

Ordinary.

It was just another ordinary day when he got the call. It didn’t occur to him that Yamaguchi could've passed on an _ordinary_ day.

Tsukishima busts through the hospital doors, a mixture of sweat and tears clouding his vision and making his face damp. His glasses kept sliding down his nose, he wanted to throw them off of his face but then he knew he wouldn’t be able to see Yamaguchi in his final moment. He spotted Yamaguchi, who was left alone surprisingly, laying in his bed with his eyes closed.

He felt love wash over his body, it was like the first time he had seen Yamaguchi all over again. Except for this time instead of a boy laying on the ground being made fun of bullies it was him laying on a hospital bed moments away from meeting his inevitable doom. 

He wasn’t responsive to Tsukishima walking in. 

Yamaguchi’s hair was plastered to his forehead from the sweat. The machine next to him was beeping steadily adding to the eerie ambiance in the room.

“Yams,” Tsukishima holds on to the side of the bed. Yamaguchi’s sleeping state responded with a jerky hand flying up to grab Tsukishima’s, “Why did this have to happen?”

Tsukishima pauses a bit trying to compose himself to his dying friend. It was the worst thing he had to go through. If this was any other _ordinary_ day they would have been in math class, laughing at some stupid joke another student said. He wanted nothing more than to take the pain away from Yamaguchi and live a long, fulfilling life with him.

Yamaguchi stirs a bit more.

“We should have had a great life together, you know? Everything in my life was revolved around you, everything,” Tsukishima grips onto Yamaguchi’s hand tighter. He didn’t realize how skinny he had gotten, “I don’t know what I will do without you. You are my everything, Yams. The reason I get up in the morning, the reason I try so hard in school. I tried so hard so we could live happily with nothing stopping us.”

_‘Tsukki!’ Yamaguchi jumps onto Tsukishima’s lap as he is revising for a test. The chair slides across the floor when Yamaguchi moves to get comfortable. Tsukishima responds with a groan but reaches around Yamaguchi’s thin waist to keep him from falling._

_‘Yes, Yamaguchi? I’m trying to study here.’ Yamaguchi buries his head in Tsukishima’s neck, nuzzling down in it. Tsukishima would never admit but he loved it when Yamaguchi did this._

_‘Why do you study so much? I wanna hang out more!’_

_‘I study because that’s what good citizens are supposed to do,’ Tsukishima pokes Yamaguchi’s forehead earning a laugh from him, ‘Unlike you!’ He playfully adds on._

Yamaguchi pries his eyes open much to Tsukishima’s surprise. He hadn’t expected him to give him any sort of response when he walked in.

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi’s voice was so _weak._ It made Tsukishima’s chest squeeze and his hands tremble with nerves. Yamaguchi was always soft-spoken but he was never weak. It was so strange. He hated it.

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima realizes his voice doesn’t even sound like his own. It was so soft and full of worry, “Please, don’t strain yourself. It’s okay if you just want to close your eyes.”

Yamaguchi shakes his head, “It… it’s okay. I just want to talk to you.”

Tsukishima leans down and gives a small kiss to his forehead. It felt strange to finally kiss the one person he loved more than life itself, “I love you, Yamaguchi. I truly do… I wish I would've told you sooner.” Yamaguchi gives a rough sounding laugh at this.

“Thank you so much for loving me,” Yamaguchi lets a tear that falls down the side of his face, “I don’t think you realize how happy you made me. Every day was fun with you around.”

Tsukishima fights back his tears, “Don’t talk in the past tense, Yams. Everything is going to be fine. You will fight through this and we will leave this place soon and have a great—“

“You and your white lies.” Yamaguchi giggles, “You tell them to me so much, why? It was so easy to see right through you when you would lie.”

Tsukishima looks down, “To make you happy. Everything was to make you happy.” They look at each other with faces full of love. They were meant to be together but their fate was cut short.

It was cut too short.

Yamaguchi’s face falls and he looks at Tsukishima with sorrowful eyes, “I love you too, Tsukki. Please never forget me.”

At that moment his heart monitor goes crazy, nurses running in pushing Tsukishima away. It was giving him a bad case of deja vu but this time he knew he couldn’t just return one day and see Yamaguchi again. He knew this time it was over.

All of the strings attached to his heart were pulled taut, leaving him hunched over on the corner of the bed fighting for air. It was the end as he knew it. He wanted to grab Yamaguchi’s hand but his body wouldn’t move the way he desperately wanted it to. His stomach twisted, he was sure that he was going to throw up when he saw the way Yamaguchi sputtered blood everywhere as the nurses and doctors worked on him. Tsukishima pushes his way to Yamaguchi, grabbing his hand so he knew that he would never be alone. Not when Tsukishima was around.

“Just focus on me,” Yamaguchi turned his attention to his friend. The tears that were coming out of his eyes stopped when he saw the calm smile resting on Tsukishima’s face, “You’re okay. It’s all going to be okay.” Nurses shouted terms at each other that Tsukishima couldn’t quite grasp in his state of disarray. All he could think about was Yamaguchi.

It only took a couple of minutes before the nurses slowed down their actions and the doctors to pull out their watches. Tsukishima knew then there was no saving him. It was all for nothing.

Tsukishima drops his head onto Yamaguchi’s chest, He could hear the faint sound of his heart beating. His lungs filled with air. Tsukishima wanted nothing more than to trade lungs with Yamaguchi. He needed to experience life more than Tsukishima more anyways.

“Please don’t go, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima grabs his hands, pulling them closer and closer. He didn’t want this to happen. It hurt too much. How could God take someone so young away so early?

**_“I’m sorry, Tsukki.”_ **

If it was any other circumstance, Tsukishima would've found it funny. He thought it was hilarious when Yamaguchi apologized to him for the tiniest of things. It showed his pure nature. Yamaguchi just wanted to make everyone happy and please them, that's why he apologized for the tiniest of things. Tsukishima thought those words were the cutest thing anyone could say to him. He adored when Yamaguchi would say that phrase.

But when the heart monitor went flat and the doctor declared Yamaguchi’s death time, he never hated that phrase more in his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i hope everyone enjoyed this :) if you could leave a comment telling me how to improve that would mean the world to me <3 thank you so much for reading!!


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